Life is a monster. I am an a path forwards, or upwards, and in my way is not my conflicts, my work, my family, or whatever. It's an egregore of everyone else's destinies. My trauma does not bother me so much more., but the mess of another's life is presented to me with their petty conflicts. I wish they knew how little time they have on this earth and would forgive as easily as I do (or perhaps they do realize their limit, and this is their panic rather than the ego-less acceptance I wish or them.) A point of growth for myself, is to force myself to look past this ball of fire. What is ahead? Five years in the future? These things had brought me down to earth many times before but I will now fight with a vengeance for my vision of life and my dreams. And my vengeance is for a God who intertwined traumatic destines, not with the sad people caught in the mess. When vengeance fails I will be a rock, a smiling rock to your insults. When that rock wethers I'll be molten lava, ready to be molded again. This is the new cycle of my life, until it's time to rest again, perhaps in my cafe, surrounded by books, people I love, and coffee... --- Courage is my coffee, for now.