Addictive habits. I’m quitting coffee. I’ve noticed too many peaks and valleys, and that I had begun structuring my life around them. Now on the second day I’m in a moderate depression. The other day I also had the thought, that if I was ready to give up life on a whim I should have no issue going in a ball of fire. Life is a monster. I will kill it. Who do I want to be next? [[2026-02-18 Arete]] seems like a goal that’s a little foolish now, though I can never escape that devilish voice in my head that whispers ‘grow’. I am very much at a point where I am to decide my true values, having speculated and experimented enough. A few days ago I had defined my core values as Family, Curiosity, Creativity, and Teaching. The crash put everything into question but as I write this letter I step towards my spirit once again. There’s still that voice in me. Don’t give up…